Month: March 2011

The Heroes of Lagos

Published by Osemhen

In a sense, it was my fault. I must have hit the snooze button on my alarm like ten times before I finally convinced myself that I did not have malaria and so did not have a valid excuse not to get the hell up and go to work. Enter Power Ranger mode. Showered, dressed in less than ten minutes. Decided to switch hand-bags. Dumped the contents of the black one into the brown one. Snatched my laptop, pocketed my phone and then out the door. Luckily, I got a bus almost as soon as I got to the bus-stop. Sigh. Seemed like I would be on time after all. Five minutes into the journey, the conductor asks for the customary 100 naira fare. I open my bag and without looking in, begin feeling around for my wallet. No show. Irritated, I look in. Sunglasses, check. Make-up, check. Notebook, check. Earphones, check. Pen, check. Handkerchief, check. WHERE THE HELL IS MY WALLET? My heart had started a weird rhythm in my chest by now. Thud. …

Open Letter To The First Lady

Published by Osemhen

Auntie Patience, Good mornin’, ma. I know say you no sabi me. My name na Osemhen, and I get one business wey I wan make we discuss. D tin consan the campaign wey you dey helep our Presido, Uncle Jo and all im ‘umblerra’ friends do. Auntie, you try. Even though you no too sabi English, you dey make effort. You dey try relate wit your pipul, try console dem. But dem be ingrate! You know say for dis we kontri, pipul plenty wey get bad mouth. Na so dem go sidon, dey laff wetin you talk wen you give speech. Instead make dem understand the message wey you get for mind, dem go dey find mistake for the English. Dem laff wen you talk say Uncle Jo and Bros. Namadi “is good people.” Even say the English no beta, shey dem no sabi say you been wan say Uncle Jo and Bros. Namadi na beta person? Which one come hard for dere? Abi, na the one wen you talk say “the people sitting before …

My Definition of Success

Published by Osemhen

I’ve started, and discarded many posts over the last week. Laziness, ennui, hormones, sleeplessness, blasted writers’ block (thank God for whoever coined this term) took over and had me all sorts of cranky. This week, however, sanity prevails. Maybe it’s the prospect of Lent (starts tomorrow for Catholics). Maybe it’s the realization that the end of March marks the end of the first quarter of 2011 and my resolutions are on a downward slope. Need to tighten that belt, let’s go. One of the things I wanted to blog about was the definition of success. I’ve always balked at the automatic association some people make between success and wealth: to be successful is to be rich and if you’re not rich, or if you’re poor, then you’re unsuccessful. I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly doesn’t ring true about this definition. Maybe it’s the fact that it makes success too mercenary. I mean, if I’m a thieving senator, am I successful? (Don’t tell me I’m a successful thief!) If I inherit a billion …

Clearing Out My Head…

Published by Osemhen

I’ve started, and discarded many posts over the last week. Laziness, ennui, hormones, sleeplessness, blasted writers’ block (thank God for whoever coined this term) took over and had me all sorts of cranky. This week, however, sanity prevails. Maybe it’s the prospect of Lent (starts tomorrow for Catholics). Maybe it’s the realization that the end of March marks the end of the first quarter of 2011 and my resolutions are on a downward slope. Need to tighten that belt, let’s go. One of the things I wanted to blog about was the definition of success. I’ve always balked at the automatic association some people make between success and wealth: to be successful is to be rich and if you’re not rich, or if you’re poor, then you’re unsuccessful. I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly doesn’t ring true about this definition. Maybe it’s the fact that it makes success too mercenary. I mean, if I’m a thieving senator, am I successful? (Don’t tell me I’m a successful thief!) If I inherit a billion …