Congratulations! You have either convinced a naturalista to become your wife Or your wife has decided to stop putting relaxers in her hair. Either way, you have become a member of a club few know exist until they join it. Welcome to the Husbands of Natural Haired Wives Association (HNHWA, pronounced huhn-wah).

You will meet your fellow HNHWs at the natural hair meet-ups your wife might on occasion drag convince you to attend. You will also meet them in church when the wives step aside to discuss twist-outs and salon recommendations. And maybe, one day, you’ll meet a fellow HNHW in the hair product aisle of your neighbourhood supermarket. You will recognize his bemusement at the difference between Cantu Shea Butter and Shea Moisture. You will recommend he buy both to avoid “trouble in his marriage”.

Here are a few other helpful tips you should know.

1. No, your wife is not haemorrhaging from a huge gash on her scalp. That red/brown stain on your pillow case/white tee-shirt/car head-rest is henna that has bled off her hair. It is the same substance that has dyed her palms and fingernails orange. Yes, it will take a while to wear off.
2. If you live in Lekki, your wife will spend a small fortune on drinking water to wash her hair. Because everyone knows the Island has hard water and it’s bad for hair. Try not to think too much about the cost. Console yourself with the thought that it is one of the sacrifices you make for “peace in your marriage”.
   

   I don’t even like avocados but this is gorgeous.

3. That bowl of avocado/banana/honey/yogurt mix in the fridge is not dessert. You may not eat it in spoonfuls straight out of the jar. It is conditioner. Yes, her hair eats better than you. No, she will not attract ants into your bed. At least, not on purpose.
4. Washing her hair is a full-time, all-day chore. Let’s break it down, shall we? Detangle – 45 minutes. Hot oil pre-poo treatment – 30 minutes. Wash and rinse hair, section by section – 30 minutes. Co-wash – 25 minutes. Deep condition – 45 minutes. Rinse – 10 minutes. LOC (you should be used to being confused by acronyms) method – 30 minutes. Twist/bantu knot – 30 minutes. Dry – all afternoon/night. She will not go out. She will not cuddle with you. And at the end of it all, her hair will look exactly the same way it was before she started. Don’t argue. Just take it like that.
5. Her hair is not short, it’s shrinking. They are not the same thing. Statements like, “Why is your hair short after all this time?” are not welcome. Her hair is armpit length. Yes, she measures her hair not in inches, but by where it stretches to on her body. Don’t show her that meme that says “eyeball length”. It’s not cute.
6. Is the bathroom counter looking a bit crowded? Before you say it, know that there is no such thing as too many hair products. You never know which one will be the magic potion that turns her hair into Teyonah Parris’ kind of gorgeous. Besides, you need a new house with a bigger bathroom.
7. Coconut oil heals all ills. Stop complaining about the oily headrests in the family car. When last did you polish them?
8. “When will you make your hair?” is a question guaranteed to start a fight. Her hair is made. It’s called a twist-out. You’re welcome. 🙂