On a lighter note, please welcome guest writer, the incorrigible Elaine! All opinions expressed herein are solely hers, and I”m hereby indemnified against any liabilities š
For as long as I can remember, since I was old enough to be compared, (the instant I left that embarrassing A-cup stage), it’s been, ”Your Mommy is finer (sic) than you”. I smile and say thank you, at least it’s nice that one’s Mom isn’t an embarrassment.
courtesy proudofmymum.org
I try my hardest to ignore the second meaning, which is that a woman who has birthed four children, and is more than twice my age, still looks better than me, who’s supposedly in her prime.Ā I got used to that though, and saying my thank yous Ā that is until my little sister started growing breasts.
I’d always known she was going to turn out better than me: It’s the curse of the first child to sit back and watch younger siblings get the best gene combinations. All the ”errors” in me are corrected in my little sister:
My crowded teeth give way to her even smile… Her lithe figure in marked contrast to mine, which a tactless (and obviously ex-) boyfriend described as ”sturdy”….Her hair; thick, long and straight, oh so polished in comparison to my wild shock, which has defied generations of relaxer-making Ā scientists…
.
āElaine, your sister is finer than you…ā
*sigh*
I can deal with that though by
- moving out of the country,
- burning all the photos I have of her, and
- unfriendingĀ (defriending?) her on Facebook.
Yes! Freedom! Ā No more comparisons! New life, new neighbours, new friends, who think I’m pretty enough…. In fact, I’m having them over today, for a little ‘house warming’ get-together.
”Elaine…”,Ā I turn, smiling graciously, and see one of my new friends holding up a picture frame,Ā ”…your boyfriend is finer than you…”
Nooooooo!
Comments
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onyechi olisama
lmao…i like this… elaine writes too? boooah
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julius Arop
Hillarious!
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Chidz
Totally empathize on the “first-born” deficiency. I just finish the statements for everyone and keep on moving…at least…I’m the smartest one š
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Anita Igberaese
“First-born” deficiency, huh?!
Osemhem, what do you fink? -
Omobolaji Seni-Hughes
For a long time, I thought you were the finest specimen of God’s two legged creation. (No not chickens duh! Humans)… Then I saw Kaiku. ( No homo*)
Find comfort in this dear, your cubs would be a lil bit of you both.*nb: Overheard, “when a yoruba man says ‘no homo’ he means, ‘there’s no detergent’…”
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mercy arop
very funny…
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Nnenna
Nice, I loved every bit of it especially the last part
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Free dating worldwide
You are a very witty girls. Naija’s a good story teller. Write a book sweetheart.
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delsuhubadmin
‘indemnified against any liabilities’? Why? Is there a different meaning to indemnified?
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tessadoghor
It’s a compliment
At least, I learned to take it as such.What are you going to do on your wedding day? She will be there. And on your trad too.
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highlandblue
LOL you should see me and my brother. People ask me how we are related. He’s like Efe 2.0. *hot tears*
ayodejit
hahahahahaha! iLove it!!
Elaine, is Osemhen finer than you? š