All posts filed under: Whimsy

For the love of whimsy.

Open Letter To The First Lady

Published by Osemhen

Auntie Patience, Good mornin’, ma. I know say you no sabi me. My name na Osemhen, and I get one business wey I wan make we discuss. D tin consan the campaign wey you dey helep our Presido, Uncle Jo and all im ‘umblerra’ friends do. Auntie, you try. Even though you no too sabi English, you dey make effort. You dey try relate wit your pipul, try console dem. But dem be ingrate! You know say for dis we kontri, pipul plenty wey get bad mouth. Na so dem go sidon, dey laff wetin you talk wen you give speech. Instead make dem understand the message wey you get for mind, dem go dey find mistake for the English. Dem laff wen you talk say Uncle Jo and Bros. Namadi “is good people.” Even say the English no beta, shey dem no sabi say you been wan say Uncle Jo and Bros. Namadi na beta person? Which one come hard for dere? Abi, na the one wen you talk say “the people sitting before …

Left-Handed in Nigeria

Published by Osemhen

I am left-handed. And proudly, too. People stare (admiringly, I think … I hope) when I wield my left hand. Most are surprised my hand-writing’s neat (it is!). Others expect me to write from top to bottom… A few comment, “You must be smart.” That’s the part I like best. And just to make sure it wasn’t some myth-turned-stereotype, I actually looked it up. It was a great deal of medical-ese I had to wade through but the long and short of it is that most lefties are gifted in Math and art and have terrific organizational skills. We learn easily, are generally unconventional – and okay, it must be said – mostly precocious. But do we get treated accordingly? No! Society doesn’t like lefties. It has been proved over centuries and across cultures. In French, to be left handed is to be gauche, from where we get the English word of the same spelling that means awkward or clumsy… In Italian, it is to be sinistro, from where we get the English word sinister… …

Bus Etiquette 101: How to act like an Educated and Intelligent Citizen

Published by Osemhen

In these days of LAMATA and LAGBUS buses, there exists a need to clearly define personal and public boundaries. The buses aren’t public places, per se, like restaurants but neither are they private enclosures. At any one time, a bus holds on the average forty people, standing or seated quite closely together. As such, it demands different habits from the usual norm. Do I sound quite formal? Well, it’s either that or spew in tear-my-hair-out-in-frustration style. So here goes: 1. Do shower. And change your clothes. Please. It’s a public service to the rest of humanity who have to squash up against you standing in the bus. 2. Do keep to the queue. Yes, you’re faster and smarter than the rest of humanity. Yes, you have a job interview in ten minutes. But if we can’t obey a simple rule like waiting our turn, why do we expect better of our leaders? Keep to the queue. And thump on the head anyone who doesn’t! OK, don’t 🙂 3. Do smile and acknowledge with a hello anyone you …