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Brother's Keeper

 If you asked me, it, the beginning of the end, started one Sunday evening, with a phone call from my brothers’ principal that said Datonye and Damiebi had been suspended for a month.

They could have been twins, my older brothers. Odd, considering their different mothers. Datonye, my half-brother, was a year older than Damiebi and the result of a fling my father never spoke about, not even to my mother. If she resented this or him, she hid it well. Damiebi – her firstborn, her pride – was, after all, my father’s legitimate heir. If Datonye resented this, he hid it even better. They were close, for half brothers. Best friends, confidants, twins if you didn’t know better. And so perhaps, you understand why they did what they did.

“What offence this time?” my father asked, his face a mask of irritation.

Two boys had been sighted kissing in an empty classroom on Friday night. Both had escaped, one without his ‘D. Carpenter’ monogrammed sweater.

On one hand, there was Datonye, with his tattoos and love for experimental drugs. Just the month before, he’d been caught selling skin magazines. Two weeks before that, he had wandered into the school chapel, looking stoned. Nothing could be proved but one more offence, he’d been warned, and he’d be suspended an entire term. Damiebi wasn’t a saint either, he was a notorious flirt and he’d been caught more than once smoking cigs but last year, he’d won the school a gold medal at the national chess tournament. His almost perfect grades, his easy charm and his ready smile guaranteed his favor with the school authorities.

And so the homosexual incident was an easy case, would have been an easy case if both my brothers hadn’t admitted to being the culprit. If both hadn’t refused to disclose the name of the other boy who’d escaped.

The principal was exasperated at Damiebi. Yes, it was admirable that he lied to protect his brother and yes, he was a star student but  it was a Baptist School, such depravity could not be tolerated and examples had to be made…they were both suspended.

Mama’s face was carefully neutral as she finished the narrative. I fingered my braids as I hazarded a look at my father. He looked like he was chewing on rotten fish.

“The suspension is effective when?”

“Tomorrow,” Mama answered, reclaiming the seat she had vacated to answer the call. “I’ll send the driver to go get them.”

“No. Let them go to Benin and stay with Priye.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s suspension not a holiday. Because it’s a one hour drive from Warri to Benin, five hours less than the journey here.”

“They could fly. And if Datonye is … what they say he is, shouldn’t he see a psychiatrist here in Lagos?”

“They go to Benin.” Daddy replied, his tone brooking no contradiction, and no discussion on the possible sexual orientation of his sons.

 

If you asked Daddy, he would say it started with the stranger in our living room. The one who said he was a policeman, whose words found my ears as if he had shouted down a very long tunnel.

“There’s been an accident…on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway…one boy is in the hospital with minor injuries…the driver and the second boy, so sorry…they died…”

Damiebi died.

My father’s head dropped into hands. “What…” his voice broke with his grief. “What…were they doing on the road to Lagos?”

 

If you asked Mama, she would say it started at Damiebi’s funeral as the reality sunk in that  her son would smile no more. She whispered the chilling words, then screamed them hysterically, clawing at Datonye, spitting in his face till she was physically restrained.

“It should have been you!” Not her Damiebi.  The gay bastard should have been the one in the casket.

And  Datonye stood still as she raved, gnawing his lower lip to stop the tears that wouldn’t stop…

 

If you asked me, it ended when the school sent my brothers’ personal belongings, including the offensive sweater. And there, written in white thread, were the letters “D. Carpenter.” And I remembered a hot afternoon, sitting down with my brothers as the tailor marked their clothing, and Datonye insisting that his clothes be monogrammed with black thread…

God Has A Sense of Humour

When I do my daily prayers, I try to make resolutions based on the promptings I receive. Nothing major. It could be to call someone I haven’t spoken to in a while, or to write someone a letter. It could be to give up social media for a day, or to eat no sugar. Just normal stuff. Well, yesterday I resolved that I would be cheerful all of today, no matter what. I promised God I would smile through out today.

Guess what?

I woke up late. I flew into and out of the bathroom in record time, dressed hurriedly and then began to throw all my stuff into my sling backpack. Books. gadgets. Wristwatch. External Hard Drive. Everything went into the bag. Then I rushed to breakfast. Half an hour later, I realize that the cord for my hard drive has broken at the connection point to the drive. No wahala. I remove it. Try a new cord with the hard disk. It doesn’t work. I realize that one of the pins is bent. I take it to the IT guys, they jam another cord into it, pushing the bent pin farther in. I’m already in a mo-ku-mo-gbe-mo-daran* frame of mind. All my work is on this disk. It is the back-up of my work documents and my PC. Without it…

At this point, my smiles are thinner and forced. I’m ignoring people’s questions, or snapping at them. All the tasks I planned  to complete have been pushed to the side. All that matters is getting the hard disk to work. Which it doesn’t.

Why me, God? Why today? I’m about to start on a self-pity fest when I remember my resolution from yesterday. To be cheerful, NO MATTER WHAT. Lol! I just started laughing. How much of a coincidence can it be? That on the very day I resolve to be cheerful, something like this happens?

In Evan Almighty, Morgan Freeman has a line that goes something like: When God wants to teach you patience, He doesn’t just drop it on you. He  sends situations that try your patience.

So this is my lesson in cheerfulness. Lol. I accept it cheerfully. Still, if there’s anyone out there who can fix my hard disk based on what I’ve said, I’d be really grateful. Please share this with your friends. Have a wonderful Sunday!

 

*”mo ku, mo gbe, mo daran” translates as I’m so dead, I’m finished, I’m in trouble!

Some Stories Shouldn't Have Titles

There are many ways to destroy a life. Stop.

It’s just life, you see. Just life. Everyday. Wake up, eat breakfast (rice), fight with little brother on the way to school, sit through boring classes, get caned by the soldiers ’cause we’re all such noise-makers, go for lunch break (meatpie and Coke), sit through more boring classes, submit assignments, go home, wash dishes, wash uniform, eat dinner (eba and okro), watch the news with Daddy, gossip with Mommy, sleep.

It’s just life. Stop. Ordinary. Boring. Simple.

Sitting in mass and wondering. Wanting more. More. More of something that doesn’t even exist. The sameness. God, the sameness. Homework. Books. Dirty socks. Missing earrings. Why is life nothing like American movies?

It just happens. Someone’s birthday. Something different. Not so different, these parties are all the same. Too much rice, chicken fried too dry, Coke, Fanta and because someone is feeling cool, the occasional beer. The music will be too loud, and everyone will shout, “YAY!” every time the song changes. And sixteen is too young to be drinking beer. But it’s a change, and a chance to be a “bad guy” and so the sixteen year old boys will drink too much beer. And the music will go louder and louder and louder.

And no one will hear the rape in a bathroom that has been locked from the inside by a boy who isn’t old enough to drink beer.

There are too many ways to destroy a life. Stop.

“What is a person?” The nun teaching catechism asks.

The class repeats. “A person is anything or anyone that can answer to the question ‘who’, and not just ‘what’.”

“And what am I?”

“A woman.”

“But who am I?”

“Sister Geraldine.”

“What is that?”

“A table.”

“Who is that?”

“Nothing. A table is not a person. A table cannot answer to ‘who’.”

There are too many ways to destroy a life. Rape it. Or kill it. Stop.

The boy is arrested. And he swears it wasn’t rape. They believe him.

There will be a child. There will be a choice. Mama has tears in her eyes, Daddy won’t stop staring at the ground.

“I don’t want to keep it. Haven’t I suffered enough?”

Mama only holds you. Tight. Rocks you. Hums. You beg her, you beg your father. The other kids will laugh at you in school. The neighbourhood will gossip. It will destroy your life to bear this child.

But it does not destroy your life. You go to school, and yes the other kids laugh. And the neighbourhood gossips. And in two years when you go to university, strangers judge you for being a single mother. And many years later, you will have to wear an ivory gown to your wedding because white is for virgins only. But at 16, you birth your child, your daughter.

And someday, she gets to write this.

There are many ways to destroy a life. But you can choose not to.

For the Aluu 4: I'm Sorry…

I can’t help it, the pictures are everywhere. The Aluu4. And from the first time I saw the bloody pictures, all I could say was, “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know why I apologize. To Tekena, and Ugonna. To Llyod and Chidiaka. I didn’t try to watch the video; the pictures gave me goosebumps and made me cry and I figured the least I could do was respect the boys by not watching their death. And all I can say is, I’m sorry, so sorry, so sorry, so very sorry.

And I don’t care what they did, or didn’t do. Because I have brothers, I have cousins, I have friends. And I think I can imagine how hard it is to be a guy in this country, and stopped by policemen for no reason other than gender. And no one deserves to die on suspicion. No one deserves to not have a second chance.

I’m sorry Nigeria is the way she is.

I’m sorry we’re grooming a people who think nothing of killing another.

I’m sorry we are cowards, and cannot stand up to defend another’s right to life.

I’m sorry that our policemen are the way they are.

I’m sorry that things are so hard, and people so desperate.

I’m sorry that our leaders don’t seem to care.

I’m sorry that we show no commitment to making our country better.

I’m sorry because they were just kids. 19 year olds. What could they have possibly done? Did they kill someone?

I’m sorry because this happens every day but we don’t hear about it, or we ignore it.

I’m sorry because even now, I don’t know how to make anything better.

I'm Sorry…

I can’t help it, the pictures are everywhere. The Aluu4. And from the first time I saw the bloody pictures, all I could say was, “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know why I apologize. To Tekena, and Ugonna. To Llyod and Chidiaka. I didn’t try to watch the video; the pictures gave me goosebumps and made me cry and I figured the least I could do was respect the boys by not watching their death. And all I can say is, I’m sorry, so sorry, so sorry, so very sorry.

And I don’t care what they did, or didn’t do. Because I have brothers, I have cousins, I have friends. And I think I can imagine how hard it is to be a guy in this country, and stopped by policemen for no reason other than gender. And no one deserves to die on suspicion. No one deserves to not have a second chance.

I’m sorry Nigeria is the way she is.

I’m sorry we’re grooming a people who think nothing of killing another.

I’m sorry we are cowards, and cannot stand up to defend another’s right to life.

I’m sorry that our policemen are the way they are.

I’m sorry that things are so hard, and people so desperate.

I’m sorry that our leaders don’t seem to care.

I’m sorry that we show no commitment to making our country better.

I’m sorry because they were just kids. 19 year olds. What could they have possibly done? Did they kill someone?

I’m sorry because this happens every day but we don’t hear about it, or we ignore it.

I’m sorry because even now, I don’t know how to make anything better.

Dear Random-Guy-Who-Asked-If-He-Could-Share-My-Mini-Umbrella-At-The-Busstop

Dear Random-Guy-Who-Asked-If-He-Could-Share-My-Mini-Umbrella-At-The-Busstop,

I don’t judge you for not having your own umbrella. I don’t even hesitate when you ask if you can share mine, despite seeing how small it is, and how it really is only meant to shelter one small person from the rain. Me. I don’t complain that I have to raise it really high now, to accommodate your hulk, or that my genuine L. Credi bag is now getting wet. I don’t complain because I’m only doing the Christian thing by sharing. There is love in sharing etc. etc. etc.

However, you stretch my charity  by presuming that because I’m sharing my umbrella, then I am open to conversation. Please understand. Do not feel obliged to fill the silence. It may not be companionable, but it is certainly not awkward. I was lost in my thoughts before you came along, I will continue to be lost in my thoughts. Your attempts at conversation are, at best, distractions. At worst, annoying.

“It’s like you’re not in a good mood,” you say after giving me the elevator pitch of your life  history. I am glad that you have managed to correctly interpret my monosyllabic answers/utter silence. However, you ruin this by adding, “When can we see again?”

What? What?!

Believe me, I can imagine how hard it is, as a guy, to work up the nerve to strike up conversation with a total stranger. I understand that you want to maximize the returns on this risk for what it’s worth. But after correctly deducing that I amn’t in a friendly mood, why do you now assume that I will give you my number/address/BB pin?

“I only want to be your friend…”

“I just saw you and liked you…”

“You never know when next we’ll see…”

“Can you hear me?…”

Because I really don’t like to be rude, I explain in a firm, I-brook-no-further-argument tone why I will not give you my number/BB pin/address. I ask that you not take it personal, that it is only a principle I live by.

But you don’t listen. You start to croon, ” Baby, please. Come on, don’t be like this.” It is at this point I start to beat you with my umbrella…

Riddle

A king has 3 prisoners in his dungeon. They are to be executed but at the last moment, he has some mercy and proposes a game. He brings a bag with five tee-shirts. Each shirt is white in front, coloured behind. There are 2 shirts with red backs, and 3 shirts with blue backs. He has them all blindfolded, and then each prisoner has to pick a shirt and wear it.Still blindfolded, the king tells them that if a prisoner can correctly predict the colour on the back of the shirt he’s wearing, he will escape execution.

The three men are told to stand in a straight line, one in front of the other. The first man, standing at the front of the line, can’t see either of the men behind him or their shirts. The second man, in the middle, can see only the first man and his shirt. The last man, at the rear, can see both other men and their shirts.

None of the men can see the back of his own shirt (obviously). There is a loooooooooonng silence, and then the first one who can’t see anyone’s shirt says, “I know my colour.”

Riddle: How does he know his colour? And what is it?

Please let me know in the comments’ section if you’ve solved it. Don’t give away the answer! 😀

p.s. Please share with your friends, I’d like to know how many people can give this a shot.