All posts tagged: family

Oh, Baby! My 3rd Pregnancy: Good, Hard & Worthy

Published by Osemhen

For the longest time, I debated hitting “Publish” on this post. Until now, only my closest friends had any idea about how my pregnancy progressed, and it all felt too deeply personal to share. I was only able to tell it by writing in the 2nd person. I am immensely grateful to all the women whose pregnancy stories helped me make sense of what I was going through and gave me hope that it would all be okay. And so I’m telling this story. Because there’s another mom out there frantically Googling, and if I can somehow help, then it would be my greatest privilege. When you find out you are pregnant, you let yourself feel only the slightest shock and panic. After all, you’re a veteran at this thing, right? Yes, you aren’t in the best of health to begin with. Your iron levels are low and you are borderline underweight from the stress of school. Still, this is your 3rd pregnancy. The first two were relatively smooth, you don’t expect this one to …

Story of a Bleeding Heart

Published by Osemhen

Kosidinma, my friend’s son passed away last week. His mother, Ehimemen wrote this for him. Words cannot express the pain I feel at your demise. You entered my life and made me feel like finally I had a purpose. A purpose that was mine only. Suddenly I knew I owed someone, I knew I owed you a responsibility to raise you as God wants. You gave me sleepless nights but it was all worth it because the look and satisfaction you gave after each feeding was priceless. We had a connection which no one understood. Whenever I heard you cry, even when I knew you were having your bath, I jumped out of bed to watch just to make sure your crying was not for something that could have been avoided. When people came to congratulate me, I was proud of the child I had begotten and created; bright, tall, independent and a whole lot more. I looked forward to your growing up because I felt you were going to be the next Albert Einstein… …

The Art of Balance: Creativity and Your Day-Job

Published by Osemhen

My friend, Ozoz, is a phenomenon. She’s a geologist, a blogger, a recipe creator, a “traveller by plate”, a photographer and a cook. She’s also a mom. She’s given a TedTalk, appeared on TV a few times, held a photography exhibition and recently collaborated on #TechmeetsArtng. I, on the other hand, struggle with staying awake long enough to update my blog. Forget work-life balance. I’m not even sure what that is. I think about this often: how to balance my day-job with my creative life, my social obligations, my family life, my spiritual life …and a need to sleep. Sleep is winning, I must admit. Someone commented once that she’s not sure how I do everything. The truth is, I don’t. Some days, I should be writing and I just want to bake chocolate chip cookies instead. So I bake the cookies and eat them as I mindlessly scroll through Pinterest and Twitter. I console myself with this TedTalk by Nigel Marsh. I’ve listed it in my post on the 5 TedTalks Every Young Professional …

A Grief Lived

Published by Osemhen

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” Winnie The Pooh. This is how it happened, Okha. November 12, 2014. I am chatting with Ozoz about a dessert table for the wedding. Discussing macarons, I think. And candy buffets. Then Daddy calls. And he calls me Osemhen. Not Ose. Osemhen. In a tone that makes me feel like I am about to be scolded. You know that tone. And he asks me where I am. And I am afraid. Because he already knows I am at work. I’m at work. I force cheer into my voice. We are both prevaricating. I have some bad news. I think I asked, what? And he says Okhafo is dead. I think I heard someone sob in the background. I stand from my chair. Suddenly the air in the office building isn’t enough and I need to get outside. I tried, Okha. I almost make it. But my legs crumple at the door. I cannot stand and I cannot push the door open. Our horror stares at …

I Did A Life Audit Instead Of Just Making Resolutions…I Think It Worked

Published by Osemhen

I know, I know. In the last post, more readers voted for the Zeus and Amadioha piece. But as I started writing it, I realized that the pictures I wanted to use were in my camera and it’s hundreds of kilometers away. I’ll have it by next week, though. So I promise that piece then. Forgiven? Thanks! 🙂 I stumbled across the idea of a Life Audit on FastCompany. The concept is simple enough. You lock yourself in a room with a pen and a stack of blank Post-it notes and a bottle of water (because the process makes you thirsty, apparently). If you need to, you put a “Do Not Disturb” sign outside. Then you start to write your goals. Every single one of them, no matter how outlandish or silly. No matter how big. One goal per Post-It. This process can take anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours. I actually did this over a 3-day period; I couldn’t find the time to do it at once. When you’re spent (or you run …

2 Last Things and A Happy New Year

Published by Osemhen

It’s been a tumultuous year. In a good way and in a bad way. Good in the sense that I was always busy, meaning that I was never bored. Bad in the sense that I rode many emotional highs and lows, and I was often too busy to blog. But I’m here now at 19.52. Typing this on my phone, hoping it looks just as good on a PC. I want to talk about two things. First is what I call the “obligation of good manners” to one’s family. I was sounding off with one of my friends the other day and he said something along the lines of “If I can’t be comfortable and be myself at home with my family, then where can I be?” It was a pertinent question. Home is where we relax, we chill, we let our hair down. It’s where we’re accepted for who we are. But too many times, it’s where many of us display behavior we wouldn’t be caught in in public. We’re brought up to not …

On Missing Lagos

Published by Osemhen

You were born, bred and “buttered” in Lagos. It wasn’t that your parents consciously made the effort. Secondary school was incidental; the schools you applied to outside Lagos didn’t want you. Ditto, university. By the time NYSC rolled around, you weren’t interested in seeing the rest of the country. Lagos was home, and you couldn’t imagine leaving it for the hinterlands. You eventually left, though. Work made you. You figured at the time that it wasn’t a big deal; Lagos is an hour away by air. The new climate is wetter, but pretty much the same. The houses are the same, the people as well. The difference in accents is only there if one looks for it. You had friends, relatives who had been transplanted as well but they didn’t seem the worse for wear. You’ll be fine, they said, it’ll be fine. No one told you about the yen. You didn’t know you would be so sensitive, that you would miss the intangible; sleeping in your old bed, knowing your way around town, familiarity, belonging. …

My Dad's Will

Published by Osemhen

I found this while searching for my birth certificate. My Dad can be pretty wry at times, but this just cracked us up. He wrote this in university, way before he met my Mum. Her name’s not Marianne, by the way. Or Elizabeth! To my wife, Marianne, I leave her lover and knowledge that I wasn’t the fool she thought I was. To my son, I leave the pleasure of earning a living. For twenty-five years, he thought the pleasure was solely mine. He was mistaken. To my daughter, I leave N100,000. She will need it. The only piece of business her husband did was to marry her. To my chauffeur, I leave my cars. He almost ruined them… and I want him to have the satisfaction of finishing the job. …And upon the death of my wife, Marianne, the executors of my will should in no way bury her in her rightful place in the family vault next to me. I want to rest in peace. To one Elizabeth Parker, whom through juvenile fondness …

Father's Day!

Published by Osemhen

To all the dads out there, who have to put up with kids with brains that seem the size of peanuts, self-destruct offspring, untidy wannabe bums, chin up!

Beneath the grumpy glares and the muttering under our breath, we love you to bits. Trust me on this…

Sister, Sister

Published by Osemhen

I’m a first child, with all the responsibilities, attitudes and whatnot that comes with. I am responsible for my siblings, the one they look up to, the one who has to have all the answers, the one who has to push them to achieve, because if I can so can they. I am the one they run to when it all hits the fan, the one who can clean the mess, frighten the boogie man and make it all better. They believe I can do it all. The problem begins when I believe it too. When I believe I’m Superwoman, and that my primary duty is to make it all go away. And then I torture myself with guilt when I fail them, and blame myself for their every mistake, disappointment or sadness. Where do I draw a line? Should there be a line? Where do my responsibilities stop and their need for to be independent begin? Just the thought of trying to draw a line provokes shame at being disloyal. I have no answers. …