All posts tagged: friends

To The Acquaintance I Met Who Still Refuses To Say Hi

Published by Osemhen

Dear Acquaintance, We’ve met. You know we’ve met. I know you know we’ve met. You know I know you know we’ve met. We met when your brother introduced us after mass many months ago. Or we met when our toddlers both reached for the same toy at that group play date thing we go to every other month. Or we met way back when our parents used to attend the same rotary club meetings and we stood behind them, silent teenagers, as they discussed random things. We sha met. But Acquaintance, you seem to have forgotten we’ve met. Last month, I caught sight of you as I hurried towards church. I looked at you, ready to smile and say Hi, but you stared past me stonily. It would be embarrassing if it wasn’t so frightening. You frighten me. Your indifference reminds me of mean girls in secondary school and I thought we left such antics in 2003. Have I offended you in the past? Do you regret us meeting? Would you rather I pretended that …

Ted-Posts, Lent and Broken Laptops

Published by Osemhen

 Early this year, one of my friends asked me, “If you could give a Ted-Talk on any subject of your choice, what would you talk about?” It took me awhile to answer but I replied, “The importance of singularity, of not taking your cues from the crowd and daring to stand alone.” But his question has haunted me over the past one month and I realize now that I’d actually talk about something else, if I got the chance. I’d talk about the importance of friends. Because no matter how much I want to believe that I have always done my thing, it would be slightly dishonest. I am the sum-total of all the people I have let into my life. And everything good about me, I have because I aped someone else. Ditto everything bad 🙂 (this is a sub to relevant parties. You know yourself). But honestly, I have been privileged to know and count among my friends, some pretty cool people. And I want to share them with you via “Ted-Posts”. If …

How To Survive a Lumpectomy (32 Easy Steps)

Published by Osemhen

Don’t flinch when the doctor asks to examine you. Act like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like you regularly take off your top and bra for anyone who asks you. When he recommends a lumpectomy, shrug and say ‘Cool’. Because you are. Cool. You’re not a sissy, you do not shy away from pain or discomfort. Do not read Chioma’s article on the same subject. It will frighten you. Listen politely to your aunt who advocates that you pray away the lump instead of surgery. Pick a local anaesthesia over a general. Sometimes, people don’t wake up from the latter. Ask the doctor if you can take your iPod with you into the theatre, seeing as you’ll be awake. You might get bored. When he says yes, go home and prepare a surgery playlist. Tell your best friend you’re having a lumpectomy. Prepare to explain to her ignorant ass what a lumpectomy is. Tell other friends. Prepare  to answer questions like, “You let a doctor feel you up? Did you like it? …