Author: Osemhen

Christmas Is For Food… And A Note on Nigeria's Google Trends.

Published by Osemhen

Someone asked me what my holiday plans are. I don’t have a lot. My ideal Christmas would have a fierce harmattan, and find me curled up in an armchair with hot Bournvita and a good book. The problem with harmattan is the drying out of my hair. Yeah, I’m wearing my hair out. All the salon women keep inviting me to come and do “Christmas hair” but I’ve outgrown such societal pressures, thank God. My earliest memories of Christmas are of feasts. Food, food, food. Peppery jollof rice, cold Coca Cola, peppered chicken, chin-chin, buns, cake. To honour that tradition (and my obsession with good food), this Christmas, I plan to cook. I think there’s something spiritual about cooking for the people you love. There’s a connection it forges, from your hands to their stomachs. And watching their eyes light up with appreciation, is priceless. Instead of giving out hampers, I plan to give out boxes of cookies, cakes and muffins I bake myself. Mostly I’m giving to friends of my family who have been more …

This Is How.

Published by Osemhen

This is how to break up with the juvenile, codeine addict who fancies himself Goth because he paints his fingernails black and wears black eyeliner. This is how to pretend to be miserable, because you’re supposed to be miserable after a break-up. This is how to blog about it. This is how to live life; a series of Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday-Sundays that never get old, never change. This is how to be a yuppie. This is how to dress like a yuppie, in chiffon blouses and pencil-skirts and kitty heels. This is how to spend like a yuppie; on expensive cab rides, handbags purchased from Dubai, ice cream at Coldstone and movies with friends. This is how to wrap your box braids in a bun. This is how to arch an eyebrow. This is how to smile at a man you like; coy and charming. This is how to smile at a man you don’t like; looking him straight in the eye. This is how to smile at a woman so she feels flattered. This is how …

Flight.

Published by Osemhen

K: I’ll pick you from the airport. Me: No, thanks. 10 hours later, I wonder how I’ll find my way from the airport. What if “Something” happens? What if my flight gets delayed and I take a taxi to my destination late at night and I get robbed or Something because I’m this petite, light-skinned woman (read: easy mark)? It’s impossible that I could be strong, you see. No one thinks you can be, not when you’re fair and petite and female. I should have taken K’s offer. Why do women like to be chased? Airport. The boarding announcement comes on and we all shuffle to the tarmac. All of us will be dead in 100 years. And it should evoke some sort of camaraderie, shouldn’t it? But it doesn’t. We are ignoring one another. It’s strange, considering that we could be deathday mates. What if? What if our plane, this plane that Arik has christened “Michael” were to fall out of the sky? We would die together. Approach the pearly gates together. Our families …

Why Are You Angry About Stella Oduah's Armoured Cars?

Published by Osemhen

So today, Nigerians are outraged over the purchase of two armoured vehicles for Stella Oduah’s  safety. Said vehicles cost over 250 million naira (About 1.6 million dollars). See Sahara’s report here. I understand the outrage, and I would share it if I knew: What is the annual budget of the “cash-strapped” Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority? How do we know they’re cash-strapped? Was this purchase included in the budget for 2013? Was the budget approved by the Senate? Did the Senate know she was going to buy the cars with the NCAA’s budget? Knowing this, did they approve? If they neither knew nor approved of the cars’ purchase, what was this money earmarked for originally? Has that activity been done? Is it pending? Money cannot buy air safety, can it? Someone please explain to me how this money increases the risk of me boarding a plane that will crash? I’m sincerely curious about these things. This is not an attempt to ridicule anyone. I just need to know why I should care. So I can join …

I Gave A Natural Hair Interview

Published by Osemhen

So I gave a natural hair interview. I really enjoyed giving it, and I hope you enjoy reading it as well. 🙂 http://www.africanaturalistas.com/2013/10/mane-matters-with-osemhen-akhibi.html p.s. one of my visitors has pointed out that I can no longer claim not to blog about hair on my home page. Lol. Yes, o. I should edit that…soon. p.p.s. I’ll forgive the guys if they don’t read it. Lol.

To Be or Not To Be

Published by Osemhen

One of the most popular mantras these days is about being yourself and doing what makes you happy. The focus is on self-satisfaction. And finding your peace in being secure only in what you think of yourself, and at best, indifferent to what people think of you. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=NG&hl=en-GB&v=dyihQtBes1I] And there’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with running my race my way and not living for public opinion. Many people have been ruined because they were trying too hard to live up to an image. But what we often forget is that the “Image” is a reflection of what we have portrayed. We choose the image in the first place, the expectations that society holds us to. And that’s why it’s important to portray a true image. But this is not a lesson on personal integrity. What inspired this post? Earlier today, I sent an assignment to a course instructor I met in person earlier in the year. During our face to face interaction, I deliberately put my bestest (sic) foot forward with him. …

On Being Jaded

Published by Osemhen

  I remember thinking the conversation a bit dramatic. We were in first year, Jide and I, and it was one of those idle days where all we had to do was gist, waiting for one lecturer or the other. We used to have deep conversations, we still do. In almost ten years of our friendship, I can’t remember having a frivolous discussion with Jide. (Yes, we’re boring like that.) I can’t remember what the exact topic was but I remember Jide saying something like “I pray to never get jaded or used to mediocrity. It worries me, sometimes, I see a dead body lying on the road and feel nothing. I want to always feel something.” This was 2004. Before Boko Haram and its bombings. Before Aluu. Before Bellview and Sosoliso and Dana. Before violent elections that killed NYSC members. And I remember thinking, I’ll never be jaded either. It’s a resolution I fight to keep. Because it’s too easy, right? Too easy to get used to the statistics. The bad news pours in and …

These Are A Few of My Beautiful Things.

Published by Osemhen

I’m a sucker for beautiful things. And I don’t mean physical beauty, though I appreciate symmetry and intricacy and elegance and all those things that define physical appeal. And I hardly consider humans physically beautiful; pretty, good-looking, fine? Yes. But that’s a discussion for another day. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiXd_9DFCOQ] Beauty. I watched a TedTalk* once that tried to define beauty. According to the speaker, real beauty isn’t so much seen as it is felt. Beauty is something you feel in your gut. I have a list of beautiful moments. If I had any sort of talent with a camera or a painter’s brush, I would capture them, commit them to eternity on paper. But all I have are my words. So here goes. My cousin bravely swallowing tears back the evening of her wedding. She’d come home to change out of her dress, her husband was outside waiting and she was inside, fighting sobs while her mother smiled and soothed her. The 10-year-old in church with a fierce look on his face and his arms wrapped protectively …

How It Feels To Turn 25

Published by Osemhen

I turned 25 on Sunday. It’s the silver age, I hear. Of quarter-life crises and self doubt/realization.  It’s the knowledge that I am older than my mother was when she had me. It’s the power that comes with approving of the choices I’ve made thus far. I have no regrets. I have been incredibly stupid, and shied away from looking myself in the mirror. I have been surprisingly clever and written well-worded letters of commendation to myself in my diary. I have been deliriously happy and in love with the world. I have plumbed previously unknown depths of grief and prayed to die. And yet, right now, I have no regrets. Through it all, I have written. In diaries, in notebooks scattered somewhere in my room, on this blog and on others’. And so it’s only fitting that I write on this occasion of turning 25. But what to say? I could reiterate everything I wrote when I turned 23, and it would all still be true. As would the words I wrote to 10 …

The Contentment Challenge

Published by Osemhen

The best part of being an adult is earning proper money. You can’t convince me otherwise; when I compare my childhood to my adulthood, the key difference is that I can now buy myself a tin of Danish cookies as often as I like 🙂 And I can now buy myself a host of other things. Stuck as I am in this limbo where I earn money but don’t have corresponding responsibilities (no family yet), it’s an incredibly liberating feeling. I can literally buy myself anything I want. If it’s expensive, I just need to save up and it’s mine. Awesome. And unnerving. I consider myself a rational person, not given to frivolous purchases or impulse shopping. When I was younger, I learnt the importance of buying things on an as-needed basis. New books? Because I needed them for school. Handbag? Because I needed to carry my stuff around. New sweater? The old one had holes in it. Having a small allowance made this prioritization a must. But I’ve noticed things have changed. About a …